Beauty my vice

You are too distracting.
I’ll stop to take a look. Then turn back for a second look.
I’ll stop to smile and soak in the feels.

You are too correct.
The lines. The curves. The diagonals.
The colours. The smells. The timing and pace.
Simply nothing I want changed.

There you are and then you’re gone.
I thought I saw you, but I did not.
At least I saw you in my mind even if I did not.

Why are you so seldom.
Never around enough.
Yet appearing when I’ve no time for you.
Just a little beyond reach.

Beauty my vice.

Dimensional Seduction

Not sure when I started having these dreams, but it felt like I’ve always had them. These recurring dreams of places that are so familiar yet quite different. It’s like a reflection of the real world but with slight differences that makes every step in my dream an exploration yet a revisit of places I’ve been. It’s almost like a long djà vu when I wake up every single time.

The end of the street where I grew up lead to a main road here in reality, but there in my dreams, its a candy store which sold toys and they are still in operation till today… in my dreams. The theater in town has an underground subway, but in my dreams it’s an elevated track that circled the city. Confidently I know where I am in my dreams, but when I awake, I can never find the paper and pen I need to start my cartography as if there is an elaborate plan in play to ensure I don’t.

In my dreams I feel like I’m walking in water when I want to run, but at other times I fly like a weightless leaf dropping upwards into the sky employing only my will to direct myself towards where I want to go.

Actually I’m not sure how much in control am I of myself in these dreams. Sometimes I’m proud of myself for making certain decisions there when I awake, maybe because it reflects what I would have done here. However sometimes I regret not making mistakes as there would be no consequences anyway.

What I’m not sure is if the people in these dreams are just but a projection of my thoughts? Am I responsible for their actions? Am I in control of their actions as well or are they other individuals also in their dream state? It would be horrible if there was a massacre there and knowing it’s what my mind wanted. No, I can’t be responsible for the action of others, I don’t want to be responsible for anyone else’s actions.

Are we all then sharing dreams? Are we all dreaming together? Some of the people I know here are also in my dreams, but when I checked with them the next day it confirms that we do not share dreams. Maybe time is not relevant as some of these dreams are recurring and no matter what we did there, we will still wake up here in our time, our linear time that we are so used to with befores and afters.

I want to believe that dreams are little windows. Little windows that allows us to peer into our other lives in other dimensions. Maybe I live somewhere else in one of these other dimension, maybe I know a totally different set of people in one of these other dimension, maybe I have a different wife in one of these other dimension, maybe I’m of the opposite gender in one of these other dimension.

The one recurring dream of my childhood, I’m stuck in a small brick tower filled with water. It’s almost like a medieval public pool but not filled enough to let anyone in it climb out. The people trapped together with me are all trying to stay afloat and at a specific time a frail woman dressed in black robes will open up an underwater gate to let her pet shark feed. I’ve never been eaten before as I’ve always somehow manage to miraculously climb out after some frantic swimming even when I’m an average built slender female wearing a skin tone one piece swimsuit with my white swimming cap. I would dash to the bathroom door only for it to open up into a train station and that’s my cue to wake up. Have never been able to pass that point.

Maybe our dreams are truly us peering into our other lives in other dimensions. Maybe there is an edge to the other dream dimension that we are allowed to reach but not surpass, maybe we are only allowed to peer into specific windows of time there, Nothing earlier, nothing later, just that specific little snippet. Maybe our other dreams are but slices of other specific times in other dimensions that we exist. Maybe there is one me in each dimension and dreams allow the multiple me to be strung together for that brief moment in my dream.

I live different lives in each of these different dimensions and have different friends. Sometimes I meet the people I know here in this reality in my dream world and my affinity with them grows stronger. There must be a reason for us to also meet in dreams. I always want to tell my friends that I dreamt of them the night before, but I’m not always sure if they are ready for this kind of intimacy. Actually I’m not sure myself if I’m ready or not too.

The seduction from the other dimension is very real.

Our reality is very real.

Our realities.

Just another day, another bar.

bridesamid dresses 2016
Illustration: Space Bar by Kurobot on Deviant Art

We were seated comfortably in front of the bartender as he serves us our fourth round of synthetic ciders.

My brother looked up nonchalantly at the visualization to the side of the room and we both chuckle as the South Koreans lost yet another strategy game to Singaporeans. “It’s amazing how they used to own the scene. Nobody could touch them.” he said. We both reminisce the good old days some 2000 years ago when desktops were still around.

A notification came up in at the corner of my eye reminding me to extend the life of my physical body stored back on earth, our ancestor’s home planet. “This round is on me”, I nodded to my brother and patted him on the back like how people used to do before robotic surrogates held our consciousness. “One year is enough this time” said my brother with a slight frown. He drew a circle on the bar counter with the condensation that gathered at the base of his glass and he seemed to have no cares in the world as he listlessly recircled the path of his finger again and again.

“What’s bothering you?”


He stretched back and folded his arms, leaned forward and rested them on the bar counter. Looking at the bartender and tracing his moves with his eyes. “don’t you think as a civilaztion we are done?” “What do you mean ’done’?” I asked intrigued and started to sit up as this is how the past few hundred discoveries were made, with random questions questioning our sheer existence to toying with ideas from past.

“There is nothing more to discover. We have discovered everything. We now know everything.”, he said with a disappointment in his breath. “There must still be something to discover?” I retorted. “No. There isn’t. We had run the simulations a trillion times. After we had cracked The Theory of Everything 1000 years ago, we mastered gravity, we mastered space-time, we colonized the universe, made all possible first contacts and unified all our scientific knowledge. From that point on, all the civilizations had united to discover what was still left to discover in the physical world. It’s been close to 100 years now and no one has come up with anything new.”

He had a point. It did seem like there was nothing left to discover, no where left to explore, nothing new to try.

It’s that same celebratory feeling that humans had when they first catalogued fully every centimeter square of Earth’s three dimensional space, and which was quickly followed by the feeling a post battle warrior got, having to hang up his armor after conquering all the lands there were to conquer.

“Is that all there is to life? Acquiring all this knowledge, unlocking the secrets of the universe, discovering all the different cultures, achieving balance, peace and prosperity, being able to have all of life’s luxury without needing to toil for it?” He took another sip.

“Maybe dying really is next.”

I totally knew what he meant and agreed with him at some level. Conversations from the past few trips to this bar have hovered around what’s pass absolute death. Science never did venture past absolute death. Consciousness could have been transferred or recreated from cloned memories, but no one really knows if we’ve lost our souls during that process. There is no observable evidence to prove so, only the individual will know, but no one did come back to tell.

“I’ve been toying with the idea we spoke about when we last met in this bar.” He took out a small device and placed it gently on the bar counter. “You actually made it?” I said with shock. “Does it work?”

He said nothing.

My brother looked away and signaled to the bartender for another round.

“I’ve thought long and hard about this and with or without you, I’m still gonna do it. There are no preparations needed to be made, no calls needed to be made, they are all irrelevant.” My brother have always been a decisive person and from the way he said it, I took him very seriously.

As the ciders arrived, we picked it up. “Shall we?” He asked. I paused for a moment, smiled, “Why not.”

We chugged as much as we could and slammed the bottles down.

He started fiddling around with the device and when he was done he placed it between us on the counter. We looked at each other one last time and he went ahead to press a small button on the device.

It suddenly went completely silent and everything came to a stand still. I seem to be floating away from myself, drifting backwards. I can see my brother and I sitting in front of me. I continue drifting.

The pace picked up and it seems like the whole room is contracting. I’m floating up into the sky and now I can see the whole room we were in, the street, the town we were in. As I continue to drift backwards, I see the planet we were in, the solar system, the galaxy. Everything moved so fast the universe was collapsing.

And then there was nothing.

“Adam, wake up” said a thunderous voice, and… I… took my first breath.