Category: Kids

My eldest daughter have always had difficulties with her studies. She tries very hard and it gets frustrating at times, but somehow “her grades don’t commensurate with her efforts” according to a recent report we got from her school after her Primary 6 form teacher intervened. She is dyslexic.

I started reading up on what being dyslexic really means…

Dyslexia is a type of specific learning difficulty… that primarily affects the skills involved in accurate and fluent word reading and spelling…
~ das.org.sg

Now it all make sense. Her difficulty in comprehension of questions in her exam papers, her speed in reading, her accuracy in spelling, her grades.

Grades. The universal marker of education. The way to see if the child is good academically at their age. The way to cull applicants into a popular school if there are limited places. A necessary measurement in life in our time and age, in our society, in our capitalistic meritocratic society.

In the same report her verbal cognitive capabilities ranked in the 79% percentile and this meant a lot to me. It clearly showed that there is still a measurement in there that truly showed me the daughter that I know.

I do interview a lot of potential hires at work and there are definitely things I’m looking for. Passion, Integrity, Communication Skills, Thinking on the feet, etc. When meeting new friends, I also automatically look out for things like Sincerity, Empathy, Humour, Coolness and especially Chivalry in guys, etc. There is a huge disparity in what I’m looking out for in a person professionally and socially when compared with what schools are looking for in a student.

These are two different things I agree. I’m not saying that the education system is totally broken, as Singapore teens ranked No. 1 in problem solving in a recently international benchmarking organised by the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD), kudos to MOE. But at the same time, I’m also not saying that it’s perfect as well as many kids like mine are still not flourishing in the current institutionalised education system which is really giving their self-esteem and self-worth a daily beating.

The Ministry of Education of Singapore have spelt out the Desired Outcomes of Education across primary, secondary and post secondary education and I quote…

He has a good sense of self-awareness, a sound moral compass, and the necessary skills and knowledge to take on challenges of the future. He is responsible to his family, community and nation. He appreciates the beauty of the world around him, possesses a healthy mind and body, and has a zest for life.

The Key Stage Outcomes of Education according to MOE…

At the end of Primary school, pupils should:

• be able to distinguish right from wrong
• know their strengths and areas for growth
• be able to cooperate, share and care for others
• have a lively curiosity about things
• be able to think for and express themselves confidently
• take pride in their work
• have healthy habits and an awareness of the arts
• know and love Singapore

At the end of Secondary school, students should:

• have moral integrity
• believe in their abilities and be able to adapt to change
• be able to work in teams and show empathy for others
• be creative and have an inquiring mind
• be able to appreciate diverse views and communicate effectively
• take responsibility for their own learning
• enjoy physical activities and appreciate the arts
• believe in Singapore and understand what matters to Singapore

At the end of Post-Secondary education, students should:

• have moral courage to stand up for what is right
• be resilient in the face of adversity
• be able to collaborate across cultures and be socially responsible
• be innovative and enterprising
• be able to think critically and communicate persuasively
• be purposeful in pursuit of excellence
• pursue a healthy lifestyle and have an appreciation for aesthetics
• be proud to be Singaporeans and understand Singapore in relation to the world

These look like great outcomes to desire for our kids, but looking at what they go thru at school daily and how they are graded have made me disillusioned.

How is it possible for Schools to seriously look at and start to emphasise on the desired outcomes listed by MOE? Cooperation, Sharing, Caring, Curiosity, Expression, Confidence, Pride, Awareness of the Arts, loving Singapore like mentioned above? Schools are seriously looking at syllabus as those are the main matrices being look at when deciding if a child is doing well in School.

There are also other factors, things like Discernment, Empathy, Kindness, Digital Communication, Resilience all much needed in our current time and age to be Happy and Successful.

I don’t know the answer, but let me make some suggestions.

1. Grade and include desired outcomes in overall assessment

Make those desired outcomes gradable and make them attribute to the final score. 20% English, 20% Math, 20% Science, 20% Mother Tongue, 20% Cooperation + Sharing + Caring + Curiosity + Expression + Confidence + Pride + Awareness of the Arts + loving Singapore.

I mean that is what MOE is setting out to do right? So let’s do it.

2. Emphasis on Happiness

Success used to be defined as having more money, having a bigger house, having a nice car, having a great lifestyle and that all came down to having more money which is an outcome of having a good education. This is what most parents say and some are still saying.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.
~ Albert Schweitzer

The new generation don’t necessary want to buy stuff, they do want to be cool, have new experiences and generally just want to be happy. Don’t we all. So why not let’s do it.

Check out this documentary Children Full of Life and you will know what I mean.

Master an Apprentice

Rather then just going to school, how about some real work life experience as well? Attached a kid to a job from young. Look at Logan LaPlante who shared at Ted about how he is sometimes working at a ski shop and how much good that is doing to him.

I’ll teach my kids photography, filming, how to edit videos, but would be great if I can send them to work somewhere.

Conclusion

I don’t study pedagogy, I’m not a school teacher, I don’t totally know the challenges the schools face. I do however have 3 daughters and I love them loads and want them to be happy.

I would love parents to stop bashing the education system as its made out of many passionate teachers. The institutionalises education system is so massive that it will take years to change and not to mention getting parents to change their mindsets as well and stop “investing” in expensive tuition, but fun stuff for their kids to be better and happy people.

Our education system deserves a C+ in my books, but hey there is definitely room for improvement and I think we just need to work hard at it.

If you have more ideas, lets all list them out. Let’s give our kids the best we can give them.

I believe all parents have many fears and some fears are so real that some don’t event want to be parents. The fear I had when I found out my wife was expecting was “what if i don’t like how my baby looked”. Let’s be honest, not all babies are cute, some looked downright irritating. I’ve been to enough baby full month and 1st birthday parties and I can’t honestly say every baby I saw was cute.

Call me superficial, but this is a real fear for me and it stayed at the back of my mind all the time, more so than rational issues like “can I afford a kid?”, “am I ready to be a father?”, etc. I find rational issues can be sorted out, but I can’t change how my baby look.

How many of us have spent time on games that allowed us to customize our own character? How much time have we spent on that? Will you just take any character randomly? Most likely not right? But this is real life we are talking about, we will be stuck with the way our baby look all the way, no customisation and nothing can change that.
This fear stayed with me all the way till my wife’s delivery. The moment came, time to face my fear, time to face our baby.

When I set eyes on my daughter for the very first time, I smiled. I liked what I see, just because she is my daughter, I won’t impartially say she is cute, but from the honesty of my heart, she is beautiful beyond words and just like that, my fears are gone.

After a few weeks of being a new parent, I kept asking myself was I just lucky to have such a beautiful baby? What about my next child? Then It dawned upon me. My child is beautiful to me because my child is a product of my wife and I. My child looks familiar as she have the genetics from both my wife and I. My eyes, my wife’s grace, my nose, my wife’s lips. No matter how our baby looks, she is going to look familiar, she is going to look like the product of our love. Its amazing, this whole genetics thing is amazing.

So I went on to have 2 more girls and I never had that fear again, instead I was excited to see how our baby looked. They looked familiar, very familiar.

Happen to see a guy at McDonalds going back to the counter to say that they have got the order wrong after having fully eaten the whole burger. The puzzled look on the operationalised crews’ face sparked off a chain of events such as checking the order in the system, asking detailed question about the original order and wanted to find out if they got the order wrong and if so how did the mistake happen. As a bystander in another queue, it was obvious, the guy simply wanted another burger for free.

I sat down with my daughter Cleo and started to have a conversation about homelessness and this is roughly how it went.

Me: Cleo, do you know what is being homeless?

Cleo: Yah. When you got no place to stay.

Me: Why do you think some people are homeless?

Cleo: Because they never study properly.

Me: For some people maybe, but there are a lot of other reasons too.

Cleo listens on attentively while scooping the Oreo McFlurry into her mouth while looking up at me.

Me: Some might have been very successful businessman, but ended up owing a lot of people money, hence have to sell off their house, cars, everything to pay off those he owe money to.

Cleo nods with understanding.

Me: Some made really bad mistakes and the people in their family and maybe even friends don’t like him anymore and kicked him out of the house.

Cleo nods with understanding and you can see she is thinking.

We went on having our afternoon snack with Clara trying to sleep on my arm after a tiring afternoon of gymnastics.

Me: Cleo. Do you think its worse being homeless or being in jail?

Cleo stopped scooping her ice cream and started thinking about her new understanding of being homeless.

Cleo: Jail is better.

Me: Why?

Cleo: Because at least there is food there and also some place to sleep.

I smiled at the answer in my heart. Not because I think thats the right answer, but because she made an honest logical conclusion herself.

Me: So do you think its nice to be homeless?

Cleo: No.

I’m glad we spent that afternoon together.

So its been about 10 months now and my little #goingout project is going on consistently. Its really easy because my lift lobby have good lighting in the morning and a spacious studio like wall. So while my wife and helper get ready all the logistics before we can go out, we use this time to try out interesting poses and funny expressions.

Now, my daughters take it as a routine already and they all will automatically get in line to take a picture. Imagine 5 years later. I hope we can keep this up.