Month: January 2002

Of late, my state of mind has been somewhat loitering in the vicinity of nirvana. I don’t seem to see the next step after contentment.

From our schooling days, we were told to study well in order to get a good grade. If we got a B, lets try for an A, if we got an A lets try for an A star, since we can get a star, why not try for a perfect score? It’s the same when we are released into the commercial world of employers and employees, we try to get promoted and get a better salary, if that’s not enough, lets start a business of our own.

There seem to be a progressive trend in all this. We set out goals and after achieving those goals, we create new goals to achieve, but can we ever come to the end of this achievement pattern? Can we ever be contented? If so, what is after contentment?

*pause for dramatic effect*

Heaven in my faith is the final resting place, a place of complete bliss, a place where hope is no longer needed, a place of reward for those who have done well in their lives, a place for the faithful. But then what is the next destination after heaven?

If life is a process, a journey for experiences, then there must be a destination in this process. Can the end be in the process or can the end be but a process?

*pause for recollection of thoughts*

If its true that we are actually trapped in a process of never ending achievements, trapped in a journey of repetition, trapped in a cycle of social economical propaganda, then wouldn’t succumbing to it be throwing away the key. Wouldn’t we need to rethink our value system? Wouldn’t something out of the norm set us free?

There is death in contentment. But then death may not be the end of it all.

To the background of gentle Bossa Nova raindrops I close my eyes and see a woman in white looking up to the sky while moving to the pitter patter in a soulful mood. Allowing the rain to fall on her face as she embraces heaven.

What makes a woman woman? And what is femininity?

I like the way a woman moves, from the old peranakan lady pulling her little market trolley crossing the streets in Katong to the sophisticated woman in power suits and tight skirts strolling along Shenton Way during lunch time.

I like the perseverance of woman, the single mothers bringing their kid to pre school before going to work and picking them up after work, the intelligent wife supporting their seasonal egoistic husbands, the spinster who works hard to save up for a lonely retirement, the hardworking student copying down lecture notes while having a bad day of period cramps.

Femininity is not just looking good and behaving classy, but to me its more like a similar trait that all woman have. The attention to detail, the sensitivity, the shyness, the unending quest to look nicer and many others.

Woman are to be respected, appreciated and loved.

Being at home and awake at 11am from Mon to Fri, i got hooked on to Cow & Chicken which is showing on Kids Central. Darn… i so dig it!

Life as it seems is all a big distraction from what we actually want in life. We toil and strive for that momentary security and then realise that its all a big hoax and that we have became a pawn for our society. Its not that society is bad, its just that we are all blinded by a value system that we think is ideal and have not questioned it after unknowingly accepting it.

What have I been doing all this while? Schooling, working, blogging, churching, etc… but what is it all for? You might already have an answer, but might question your answer after a few years and be back right here where you started asking that innocent question which unleashed you into the abyss of life’s mysteries.

I accept the fact that we are living in the limitations of time and space. What’s before the beginning, what’s after the end, where is the edge of the universe and what’s after that? I don’t intend to get answers for these questions as I think we are but beings with limitations of comprehension in the elements that only the almighty would have access to.

So is it all really just chasing after the wind or is there a deeper meaning in all these. The God loving ones might say that the priority in life is to allow the created to know its creator. The Scientists might say that the priority of life is to unlock the mysteries of the universe. The politicians might be spending their time trying to achieve a sort of utopia.

Life might be a stage, a platform for us to experience or perform. Life might be a test, an event which is recorded and scored. Then again Life might be a mystery that can’t be explained to beings such as us with such limited ability to comprehend like explaining the entire educational system when a child asks what is one plus one.

Damn it! I think something is screwing with my brain, cuz I am spurting out raw unprocessed thoughts onto a screen. Am I trying to say something or am I trying to record my thoughts?

A good friend of mine today said a few good phrases, of all my favourite would have to be “Verbal Masturbation“. It means giving all sorts of excuses for yourself, just to make yourself feel better.

We were basically having just a normal supper cum coffee (or tea more like it) at the beach road prata joint and just so happen to chat about stuff like work, management, Edward De Bono, attitudes, happiness and even philosophy. I totally enjoyed myself.

Another good line from that same friend of mine was something like “Philosophy allows one to better appreciate life and your surroundings”. Both of us intend to take up a philosophy course a few years down and I just can’t wait for that time to arrive.